One with the universe

There was a time when I wished to be whole or, in other words, perfect. Being whole did not mean that I'd be a mixture of Brainiac and Superman, just that I'd be able to be calm in any situation, having no fear nor regret. It would have also implied that I would have reached a level of matureness, being able to accept my role and who I am on this tiny blue dot in the middle of a vast sea of stars and galaxies.

I tried to achieve this by working on myself, exercising both mentally and physically. For a moment, it seemed to work, but I keep reverting to my old self. Perhaps it is a wish to prolong childhood and not grow up just yet.

I'm not sure whether it was thanks to my studies or simply my ever-changing worldview, but I think I've found what it means to be whole. We tend to think of ourselves seperate from nature, but that is just an illusion conjured up by our ego and lack of knowledge. Earlier in this post I compared tiny Earth with our gargantuan Universe. That is perhaps our mistake. We forget that we are part of the Universe too. We may seem puny compared to it, but together with the Universe we are whole. This is the death of our ego, who is jealous because he wants to be big, yet is everything but significant - something he cannot accept. Take that jealousy away and he might as well not exist.

Maybe this realization has not changed much, but I no longer seek unobtainable perfection as I have discovered something just as good.

My curriculum

Check this out to see what exactly I`ll be studying.

If you can`t understand Estonian, then worry not. Click on any of the subjects in there and a window containing an English, as well as an Estonian explanation should pop up.

I have not yet fully decided which optional courses I shall take, but I`m aiming towards the ones associated with elementary physics.

Tartu university

I applied to 6 different fields after finishing high school. While physics is the one I wanted to study the most, I had no guarantee I would get a state-funded spot. To pay out of my own pocket would have been much too overwhelming. My second choice was technical physics at Tallinna Tehnnikaülikool (Tallinn`s Technical university), which was an acceptable alternative, should they not want me in Tartu. 

Thankfully, I got in. I was also lucky enough to find a place to live, some students are left without one. Not that there aren`t rooms to rent, the rent is just too damn high! 

I pity those who have to pay more than 100 euros. A friend of mine got a room of her own, but it costs 120 euros. Maybe it doesn`t sound very high at first, but over a period of 3 years it adds up to quite a lot. I myself have twice as less to pay, though I must mention that the room I`ll be living in is not renovated and I`ll be sharing it with someone else.

What`s this?

This is a blog documenting my journey to (hopefully) becoming a physicist. I have not yet decided on in what field I`m going to specialize, but I have a bit of an idea. In addition to updates about my progress, I will also be making posts that express my personal understanding of the Universe. Maybe it will change through the course of my studies.

Why am I writing this? Perhaps fellow students will find it useful in deciding whether they want to become a scientist or not. Maybe it will even inspire people to learn more about the world we live in. If it works out that way, I`ll be more than happy.